Protectors Have Feelings, Too

Yes, protectors have protective jobs within us and exiles hold emotions that could otherwise overwhelm the internal system—but that doesn’t mean that emotions always point to exiles. Protectors have feelings, too. 

When protectors have been forced into extreme roles, they are likely to have strong feelings about those roles. Since extreme strategies are never completely successful in the long run, any parts in extreme roles are almost by definition going to feel some frustration. In fact, many of these protectors feel much more than frustration over how hard they are trying and how little they are accomplishing.

If they have taken on their roles under traumatic circumstances, their sense of urgency and helplessness may even include feelings of desperation, panic, rage or despair. They may be grieving the loss of their own choices, the lack of opportunities to make their true gifts available to the system. By contrast, protectors in beneficial roles that they have chosen for themselves often bring strong feelings of joy and contentment to the system, feelings of enthusiasm, loving commitment, and the satisfaction of working hard at something they know they can do well. The “good intentions” of all protectors are based on caring deeply about the well-being of other parts, caring about the system as a whole, and usually caring about other people as well—and the experience of caring is essentially emotional. Protectors may be carrying out unwanted tasks in habitual ways that seem emotionless, but they took on those tasks in the first place for emotional reasons and they are emotionally invested in whether their roles are successful or unsuccessful. 

Here’s a complicated twist on the usual trio of exiles-managers-firefighters: It’s actually quite common for protectors (especially firefighters) to be exiles themselves. When a protector is doing a task they didn’t choose, they are carrying the painful qualities of that task on behalf of other parts, because they feel that someone has to do this. Their task is their burden. And often other protectors exile them for carrying that burden. An extreme role always causes problems for other parts, and polarized parts often see each other as the threat that they are trying to manage, avoid, suppress or fight. If a protector is carrying out their emotionally burdensome role while being isolated, ostracized or inhibited by other parts, then they are a kind of exile. 

Knowing that protectors have feelings is a first step toward working with them; it’s an essential prerequisite for getting their permission to go to the vulnerable parts we generally think of as exiles. Also, don’t forget that witnessing the protectors’ feelings by validating their good intentions and hard work is just as important as witnessing the painful feelings held by any exile. The distinctions we make between exiles and protectors are only useful insofar as they help us to know those parts better. Every part needs to be recognized and cared for on their own terms: Do they identify primarily with their jobs? With their feelings? With their beliefs? Who are they and what do they care about? How can we let them know that we care about them?

IFS BASICS: The above post assumes that you know a bit about the Internal Family Systems model. If you are not familiar with IFS, click on the succulents photo for some basic information.


INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS COUNSELING ASSOCIATION: If you’re interested in bringing IFS to your own practice of spiritual care, check out the IFSCA website for some great programs and resources. IFSCA is a wonderful organization that emphasizes meaning and connection in IFS, and offers in-depth learning opportunities for both therapist and non-therapist practitioners who would like to become IFS-informed. Click on the treetop photo to visit their website (www.ifsca.ca).


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